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Garbage Humor Archives Jokelog
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Dangerous Foods
Topic: Geriatric Humor
A Dietician is giving a lecture at a Nursing Home.

"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term! harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all.

Can anyone tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"

After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake."

Submitted By Phyllis Lamb

Trashed by our Garbage Humor Archives Caretaker at 2:35 AM EDT
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Organic Remedy
Topic: Geriatric Humor
Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.

"Miss Beatrice", he said. "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.

"Oh, yes" she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter?"

Trashed by our Garbage Humor Archives Caretaker at 2:08 AM EDT
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Sunday, August 21, 2005
Sure Signs Your Getting Older
Topic: Geriatric Humor
Your Getting Older When....

Your friend compliments you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

A young babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.

"Getting a little action" means, "I don't need to take any fiber today."

You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of the police.

An "all nighter" means not getting up to go use the bathroom!

"Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.



Trashed by our Garbage Humor Archives Caretaker at 4:07 AM EDT
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Sunday, August 7, 2005
Little Johnny's Query
Topic: Geriatric Humor
Grandpa and Little Johnny are sitting on a bench in the park.

Johnny asks, "Grandpa are you going to take that new Viagra?"

Grandpa looks at him and says "No Johnny, I will not."

"But Grandpa, why?" asks little Johnny.

Grandpa replies.
"Because there is no sense in putting lead in your pencil if you have no one worth writing to."


Trashed by our Garbage Humor Archives Caretaker at 11:54 PM EDT
Updated: Sunday, August 7, 2005 11:56 PM EDT
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Sunday, July 17, 2005
If The Glove Fits.............
Topic: Geriatric Humor

Never under estimate the power of "Senior Minds"...it may take them a
little while, but it's worth the wait.
How Latex Gloves are Made

A dentist noticed that his next patient, an elderly lady, was looking very
nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves.
"Do you know how they make these gloves?" he asked.
"No, I don't" she replied.
"Well," he spoofed, "there's a building in China with a big tank of latex
and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let
them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right
size."
She didn't crack a smile.
"Oh, well. I tried," he thought. But five minutes later, during a
delicate portion of the dental procedure, she burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?" he asked.
"I was just picturing how condoms are made!" she said.

Gotta watch those little old ladies! Those minds are always working.

Submitted By Paul Bleich

Trashed by our Garbage Humor Archives Caretaker at 1:00 AM EDT
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Monday, July 4, 2005
Running Hot and Cold
Topic: Geriatric Humor
After his exam the doctor said to the elderly man,
"You appear to be in good health. Do you have
any medical concerns you would like to ask me
about?"

"In fact, I do," said the old man. "After I have sex
with my wife the first time, I am usually hot and
sweaty, and then, after I have sex with her the
second time, I am usually cold and chilly."

Perplexed, the doctor decides to exam his wife.
After examining the elderly lady, the doctor said,
"Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any
medical concerns that you would like to discuss
with me?"

The lady replied that she had no questions or
concerns.

The doctor then asked, "Your husband had an
unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot
and sweaty after having sex the first time with you
and then cold and chilly after the second time.
Do you know why?"

"Oh that crazy old fart!" she replied. "That's because
the first time is usually around July and the second
time is usually in December."

Trashed by our Garbage Humor Archives Caretaker at 11:47 PM EDT
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Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Wild Thang
Topic: Geriatric Humor
An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A teenager walked up to
the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair in all different colors: green,
red, orange, blue, and yellow.


The old man just stared. Every time the teenager looked, the old man was
staring. The teenager finally said sarcastically, "What's the matter old
timer, never done anything wild in your life?


Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex
with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."

Trashed by our Garbage Humor Archives Caretaker at 11:26 PM EDT
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Geriatric Speed Limit Syndrome
Topic: Geriatric Humor

Sitting on the edge of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car driving along at 22 M.P.H. He thinks to himself, that car is just as dangerous as a speeder. So, he turns his lights on and pulls the car over. Approaching the car, he notices there are 5 old ladies, two at the front and 3 at the back, wide eyed and looking like ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, said, "Officer, I don’t understand, I wasn’t doing over the speed limit! What did you pull me over for?"

"Ma’am," the officer said, "You should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous".

"Slower than the speed limit? No sir! I was doing exactly 22 miles an hour", the old woman said proudly.

The officer, trying not to laugh, explains that 22 is the route number, not the speed limit. A little embarrassed, the woman smiled and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

"Before I go Ma’am, I have to ask, is everyone ok? These women seem badly shaken and haven’t said a word since I pulled you over."

"Oh! they’ll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 142" ...


Trashed by our Garbage Humor Archives Caretaker at 11:03 PM EDT
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Monday, May 30, 2005

Topic: Geriatric Humor

Trashed by our Garbage Humor Archives Caretaker at 11:04 AM EDT
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Sunday, March 6, 2005
3 Simple Rules For Getting Really Older
Topic: Geriatric Humor



Submitted By Paul Bleich

Trashed by our Garbage Humor Archives Caretaker at 2:29 PM EST
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Proper Condom Use After Age 50
Topic: Geriatric Humor


Submitted By Paul Bleich

Trashed by our Garbage Humor Archives Caretaker at 2:27 PM EST
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Dirty Dancing
Topic: Geriatric Humor



Submitted By Paul Bleich

Trashed by our Garbage Humor Archives Caretaker at 2:24 PM EST
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You Clap Me On, Baby !!!
Topic: Geriatric Humor



Submitted By Paul Bleich

Trashed by our Garbage Humor Archives Caretaker at 2:20 PM EST
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Shout It Out Loud !!!!!
Topic: Geriatric Humor



Submitted By Paul Bleich

Trashed by our Garbage Humor Archives Caretaker at 2:17 PM EST
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The Down Low
Topic: Geriatric Humor



Submitted By Paul Bleich

Trashed by our Garbage Humor Archives Caretaker at 2:02 PM EST
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I Got Yo Magic Stick
Topic: Geriatric Humor



Submitted By Paul Bleich

Trashed by our Garbage Humor Archives Caretaker at 1:56 PM EST
Updated: Sunday, March 6, 2005 2:21 PM EST
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Low Cut Dress
Topic: Geriatric Humor



Submitted By Paul Bleich

Trashed by our Garbage Humor Archives Caretaker at 12:46 PM EST
Updated: Sunday, March 6, 2005 12:48 PM EST
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Geriatric Exhibitionism
Topic: Geriatric Humor

Submitted By Paul Bleich

Trashed by our Garbage Humor Archives Caretaker at 12:42 PM EST
Updated: Sunday, March 6, 2005 12:43 PM EST
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